ya Qawiy,

I'm at a state of point trying to focus to all the nikmat that Allah has given me abundantly infinite. Rather than questioning "why" am I here, "why" You didn't send any of my classmates together taking the same course or atleast studying in the same uni, "why" can't You make my usrahmates stay, the Hawariyyun till my last year and to many many more "why"(s) that I can list them down one by one.

I'm just —

:'(

Shahizan,

there's so much things to be grateful for. For Allah ar-Rahim sending them once in your life is actually one of His signs of love, that actually mould to who you're now. They're borrowed for a certain period of time preparing you to embark this rollercoaster journey. Afterall, humans are human and they wouldn't stay for some reason.

 If that's what Allah wants to tarbiyah me then I'll take up this challenge ya Qadir.

There must be a great hikmah behind all of my why(s), and You're al-'Alim whilst my knowledge is very limited and I'm surely knows nothing.

p/s: I'm missing everyone. My classmates, studymates, KMBians, akhawat Nottingham yang dulu sampai 3-4 rumah. I wish to have RI nearby that I can run to rant and update everything. To have akhawat here in Notts to travel together back and forth. To have understandable akhawat by my side, alarming me to stop before I snap, will delegate the job when my plate is full and can't longer hold. I'm just…. miss to have everyone nearby.

ya Qawiy, grant me some strength.

Allah is here, Allah is always here for you Shahizan.

He knows, He listens to your silent whisper.

there there.